I am a physician from India. Right now, I am staying in USA. As soon as I finished my MBBS, I got married and flew to USA. Because of some uncertain decisions initially, I was traveling between USA and India, back and forth. So I was giving Indian PG exams initially, but did not get good ranking in any of those several exams.
Meanwhile since my husband decided to leave in USA for 2 more years, I planned to give USMLE and start with my residency in USA before we leave to India. So I started preparing for USMLE. I gave my step 1 and got very good results. This gave me confidence or maybe over confidence and so I immediately started to prepare for my step2. But simultaneously also I started to do research and observerships. All these along with my overconfidence started to pull me away from my study focus and I started becoming lazy and ignorant. I started missing the research lab and sleeping till late afternoon thinking I will easily pass. I gave exam and my results were not so good. But still I did not realize, though God was showing me my mistakes. So I continued doing the same mistakes. But I was frustrated and tensed and not at all feeling satisfied with whatever I was doing. This created to deviate more away from my studies and I lost peace of mind.
Meanwhile my mother came across Sai Vrat and she guided me to do Sai Vrat and see the miracles. I did Sai Vrat with most of my time spending in pooja, collecting flowers, preparing prasadam and visiting temples. I did not study at all as I thought I am doing Vrat and so Sai Baba will surely pass me. Maybe I believed blindly without any faith or maybe I was increasing my heights of laziness. I used to get up late in morning and spend my whole day in pooja and prasadam and by the time my husband comes I would have just started my reading and time to sleep again. In this way, I never prepared and just gave my Step 3 exams.
In between exams gaps, I just read Sai Satcharitra with all my own foolish assumptions. I completed my Sai Vrat and on my 9th Guruvar of completion. My results got announced. I was afraid to see the results as I knew I did not prepare anything. I thought of looking into it after coming from temple and finishing the Santarpan of Sai Vrat. I saw my results and I failed. I was laughing and crying. I did not know whether to cry for my foolishness of not studying or my foolishness of assuming. I kept blaming Baba as when I asked in Baba’s Q and A site, always I GOT THE ASSURANCE THAT I WILL PASS. Now I got a reason to prove that Sai Baba’s words were wrong and was blaming Baba for all my bad deeds I did.
I stopped praying and determined to study hard without praying and seeing Baba’s face. Unfortunately, I did not learn any lesson even after my failure and started repeating the same mistakes. I was not at all doing the karma for which I was assigned and did not even have any firm faith in my Sai Baba. Days passed and because of my laziness I started gaining weight. I gained around 30 lbs and was feeling ashamed, blaming myself and low confidence in myself. I lost all hope in my life and just leading a life like an animal without any enthusiasm or optimism. But my ego of proving to God that I don’t need His help existed still and thus I gave my exam second time. This time I did not do any pooja, not even seeing or remembering, but continued my laziness and ego.
Meanwhile I visited India and I don’t know what or how. Baba called me to Shirdi. I am so lucky to be called by Baba though I blamed Him so much and I ignored Him. I went To Shirdi with my Mom. I did nice Darshan, but all the time I was expecting to see some miracles. I did not have faith and was also blaming for the food for not being so delicious. I was so ignorant all the time. I came from Shirdi and my Birthday was coming near. I started to test Baba by asking Him to give me gift for my Birthday as getting very good score in my exam. I was eagerly waiting to test inspite of all the things happened to me earlier. I got my results and again I failed. I got second time confirmed that there is no Baba and all is false. With this confirmation I started to go into depression. All this time Baba was just patiently listening to all my scolding.
Baba knew how to bring me back towards Him and remove my ignorance. Only Guru’s Kripa can destroy the ignorance and foolishness of this birth. By staying near to my husband, I always started blaming Him that all this failures in my life was due to Him. I made his life miserable. Baba through one of my friends made me go and stay far away from my husband for 3 months on the pretext of clerkship. In those 3 months, He had all the plans to change me completely. He made me meet a group of Sai devotees, who became so close in my life. Each had a different story, but all were related to my life. Baba made me realize all my mistake and y did I get those failures.
My relationship with my husband turned in a loving feeling. He showed me the right path. He started to decrease my depression and bring me back to shape. Also he gave me a study partner, who always guided me not only in studies, but also in having firm faith and not only the blind foolish belief. Baba’s miracles I can’t describe. He slowly and steadily brought all those changes and just in 3 months. I lost 20 lbs and regained all my confidence. Meanwhile He got me selected to top most prestigious college for my masters. While doing my masters, I gave my exam third time. Just before my results being announced, He indirectly through my mother asked me to start Sai Vrat and keep faith in Him. He made me to read Sai experience– giving USMLE and passing the exam. I got my results and I passed the exam with very good score.
He made me realized all my mistakes in my life and pulled me towards Him brushing away all the blind belief and assumptions I had. He showed me the light in my life filled with darkness with so many blessing in this span of just 6 months. He is the one, who made me realize the truth of life. Sai Baba, please bless everyone and help them to walk on a path lighted by You. Please bless each and every soul, who emerges from You. Rajadhiraj Yogiraj Parabrahma Sainath Maharaj Ki Jai. Om Sai Sri Sai Jaya Jaya Sai Jaya Jaya Sai Om Sai Sri Sai Jaya Jaya Sai Om Sai Sri Sai Jaya Jaya Sai Jaya Jaya Sai Jaya Jaya Sai.