But after that I returned to my college and I didn’t experience anything from Him. So I thought that He didn’t accept as His child and I returned with sorrows and worries with my college days. I have forget all God and enjoyed with my friends (an unlimited enjoyment). That enjoyment put me in pit. Usually I don’t scold anyone and I punish me if I get angry on others more than hurting them. My weak character is I will show more courtesy on anyone, who need my help. I won’t think whether they are good or bad. I won’t analyze whether their need is true or false. But my help will go wrong. I don’t know why it happens to me always.
We are two sister in my family. My sister got married and she faced many hurdles and obstacles. She got one bubbly boy, but at the age of one, my sister passed away due to dowry problem. They (in-laws, husband and others) murdered my sister in cruel way. All these happened before my Saima entered in my life. My parents has become so and so ill on these happenings. I am the only trust and faith for them. No one is there with us except my Sai.
I was in love with a boy in my UG degree as it was not a matured age for love to me. Even though I loved him as mad, but at last we have broke up. At this time, my karmas started. Another boy from other surroundings has loved me, but I was not interested to accept him. I hated him lot, but from my friend’s compulsion and his blackmail after two years I accepted and told to my parents that he loves me, so give us permission for marriage. My parents know about my past love also, even though they told ok for the marriage. My dad asked him to wait for two years and told not to talk with me till then.
My Karma Become More Strong
Yes from that I realized his original face. When He proposed me, he told he is a blood cancer patient (as I told before my weakness is showing courtesy on others). I accepted his love because of that cancer. But now I have fallen in pit and I can’t get up from that because he has used me even though this minute he loves me. He is torturing me as psycho does. He wants me to talk each and every second, but if I talk I am cheating my parents. They don’t have anyone other than me and also I want my parent’s happiness. He wants to meet me at every time he is free. He is not thinking about my job. I hate meeting him because of my neglecting; he spread many rumors and gossips in my working place, so that I came out from job.
Each and every minute I am crying in my bathrooms, bed under pillows (these pillows know my pain of tears). I know these are happening because of my karmas but I need to know for how many days I want to get these pains. I am doing Sai Bhajans and reading Sai Satcharitra books and also doing fast, but don’t know why Baba not seeing me. But I know He is with me. I have left eating my favorite non-veg dish because of my Baba. What else my Baba wants from me. I don’t know, but I am ready to leave all at His feet. All I want is my parent’s happiness.
Once I beat myself and hitting in Baba’s feet and asked whether He is with me and want me to show Him now so that I hurt myself a lot. That time a miracle is happened. In my home town, two north India people came in before my home and called me out. When I came out, I saw my Baba, my Saima is sitting in one vehicle containing all Shirdi photos, prasadham. I asked them from where are you coming. They told that they are from Shirdi. Now too my tears are filled in my eyes while typing these. Unknowingly they came to my home.
Oh my God, what a power has my Sai. I have filled with overwhelm. I have become strong enough in thoughts while my Sai is with me. No one can put me ill. Where ever I go, I will see my Baba everywhere. He is with me.
My friend’s, my Sai children, my question is one thing. Why I should get his torture till this second by blackmailing with my photos and asking to do whatever he says. Will my karma never end or as my karma is more? Will my Baba help for me? I am still in my Baba’s way as Shraddha and Saburi.
My Expectations: All I wanted is my parent’s happiness. Because of me, they don’t want to get happiness, but they should not get sorrows. I need and expect that from my Baba. That’s my prayers. Please pray for me to separate from that boy’s torture. Also I am getting slightly baldness (not severe) in my head due to these thoughts. As a girl I want my hair back at least until my marriage. I want my marriage soon to escape from him and also due to my parent’s compulsion. Save me soon Baba or else take me from this earth and to Your feet. I want to surrender in Your feet. Please please help me my Sai. None is there for me to share other than You.