Anonymous Devotee from Sri Lanka says: Om Sai Ram, I am a Sai Devotee from Sri Lanka. This is the 2nd Day of Sai Vrat. I’d like to share my Experience here and request for your prayers. Please forgive me, if it is not appropriate to post. But I am in a critical situation. Please pray for me. I am not sure from where I should start this. I am now 27 years old. Not sure since when I started worshiping Sai. I do not want to disclose every little thing happened in my life as it will make you see me “Seeking Mercy”.
My journey has been very tough since my childhood. I am a child abuse victim. Since then I always been insecure about the people around me and urged for “Love” because I wanted somebody to take me out of this monster. This became the problem because the guys, who came to my life, realized I am urging for the love, nothing else and they cheated me in a very bad way. I didn’t know there are lots of monsters moving around in this world just like the person, who abused me. I got cheated in a very bad way. Since I was 21 I started crying.
I even went to the state of begging for food and got angry with Sai for making me a victim every time. I broke His photos and threw away out of anger. But Sai saved me. Then one day Sai gave me a person, who cared about me a lot and been with me in my hard times. I thought that he is the Xavier sent by Sai, because I got him after doing Sai Vrat. But later I found out he is a maniac. He started torturing me in all the way. He started blackmailing me saying that he will ruin my life or kill my parents if I don’t get married to him. I stayed in a relationship with him around 3 years because I was scared that he might do something to my parents, but I couldn’t go further because he started calling all my colleagues and asked them if I have any physical relationship with anybody there and asked them to stay away from me.
Then one of my very best friend came to my help. He asked me to stay stronger and fight against that person. He supported me in all the way and took care of me like a Mom. We fell in love with each other. I told him everything happened in my life and told him that I am not suitable for marriage, but he said he always wanted to get married to a widow and he loves my heart nothing else. I was so happy and agreed to get married to him.
But after sometime he said he can’t marry me because his mom does not wants him to marry a non-Muslim girl (He is a Muslim and younger to me). He strongly said that he can’t rethink about it at all because his mom got heart attack just because he talked about me with her, if he marry me, his mom will die and he will not make his sister married.
I couldn’t accept it because I got him after so many years of prayer and crying. Furthermore the guy, who was blackmailing, started calling my parents and friend and said everything about my past. I felt helpless because nobody was there to help. I tried committing suicide 4 times but failed. All the friends whom I asked for support refused to help me and they hit me from back by spreading rumors about me in the office saying I’m a slut. I started collapse in the office and cry for hours so my management though that I’m mentally ill and sent me for counseling. I left my job because I couldn’t work there with a bad image like that.
I did a very bad mistake by going to a black magician and tried to do vashiya mantra to get him back. It never worked and I got caught by his friends. They took a promise from me, not to talk to my guy again or try to come back to his life and if I ever do, so they will tell him about this black magic thing and break our love even if he comes back with pure love.
I don’t know what to do. I’m praying Sai every single minute. I don’t know why God makes me cry since childhood. I can’t forget him and think of another life, if I do so then I’d become a slut as they say. I love him so much and I know only he can bring back the honor I lost by marrying me. Could you all please pray for this sister? Please.