Anonymous Devotee from India says:
I wish to remain anonymous. Dear Sai, I need Your blessing to express, what I feel for You. Give me the strength Baba. And please forgive me for forgetting the Nayvedyam offering I do to You every day. Baba, I don’t know what is actually meant by true devotion. Please make me pray to You with true devotion and please let all my prayers reach You. Guide me through the correct path. I am 17 years old girl. My mother is a devotee of Baba. So I am one of the lucky persons to be acquainted with Baba right from the age I came into senses. Baba was a normal God to me, when I was a child. I am unable to make out the exact reason, why I turned towards Him. But whatever the reason is, I am fortunate.
I have the habit of reading a book before going to sleep. One day, I saw Sai Lilamrutam (a collection of Sai Leelas, written by Shri Ekkirala Bharadwaja) on my study table. I don’t know how it came onto my table. And I started reading it. Slowly I was so involved in it that I continued reading it day and night. While reading few miracles of those blessed ones out there, my eyes used to water and I used to get goose bumps all over. I am not so sure of the chronology of the events, as I started connecting them now because I could not realize them at that time because Ways of Sai are inhumane.
One of those days, when I was reading Sai Lilamrutam, I got a dream, where Sai was sitting behind a curtain in a small house in Hyderabad (not in my house). Many devotees were coming to see Him and talk to Him and (I remember informing one of the devotee, who came there that Sai is in Hyderabad). When my turn came to talk to Sai, He said that mine is not true devotion towards Him and when I started crying, He said “don’t cry, I know it’s all false cry”. The next day, I said my mother about this and she said “Maybe Sai wants you to be more devotional”. One night, while going to sleep, I was thinking about Baba and His miracles. I asked my mother “Why Sai gives Darshan to the people, who don’t even know Him. He stretched His hand to help out people in need. Then why is He not showering His blessings on us? Why didn’t He help us, when we were in trouble?” And I started crying. She said it depends upon their past life karma and if you pray Sai with true devotion and trust in Him, He will come to you. I could not understand.
I don’t know what is meant by devotion. I don’t know how to be devotional and how to believe in God. So I didn’t care much about that dream and days passed by and I continued reading Lilamrutam every day. Then one day, I had a problem and I was crying bitterly. I burst out my emotions and questioned Sai if He really exists and if He was hearing to my prayers, I opened Sai questions book and answer was “I am there in Your house. You are worrying as you are not able to see me”. I was shocked and was crying. I told my mother. She said “Yes Baba is there in your room” and showed me a photo hung on a wall in my room. I immediately decided that I should do puja to Sai every day. I light two lamps and offer Naivedyam every day.
Sai Baba vehicle used to come to my street very often and we used to give them 2 rupees. On my mother’s birthday, Baba vehicle came and she gave money as usual. I was surprised. Sai came to bless her on her birthday. Then I thought “Sai should come and bless me on my birthday as well. I would give Him 102 rupees”. Few days before my birthday, I forgot to offer Naivedyam to Sai. But the desire in my heart that Sai vehicle should come, has strengthened. The night before my birthday, I prayed to Baba with a whole heart and tears in my mind that He should come. It was morning. I was waiting for the vehicle to come. There were no signs of the vehicle. Again I opened the questions page and the answer was “Apologies for forgetting and offer sweet to Sai. Your desire will be fulfilled”. Then I realized that I did not offer Naivedyam the other day. So I immediately made seera (a sweet) and offered it to Sai. And then I waited for the vehicle to come. Still there were no signs of the vehicle. So I said to Sai “if You accept me as Your devotee, You should come and bless me, otherwise I will fast for the whole day. If You don’t come, I will assume that You want me to stay on a fast”. And then I got a call from a friend that they were waiting for me at the bus stop to meet me and wish me and they asked me to come there at once. So I planned to give them a treat at the nearby bakery. It was a formality. But I didn’t want to break my fast and also I was confident that if Sai vehicle will come, it will come only after I return home. So I drank juice at the bakery and came home.
I said my mother about my decision of keeping a fast and that I don’t want to have lunch. It was around 12:30. I was reading Lilamrutam and then I could hear a Sai song from the street. And I could hear a vehicle with a rolling sound and yes it was Sai vehicle. My happiness knew no bounds. I gave my Dakshina of 102 rupees. Sai gave me His blessings on my birthday.
Few days back, my brother was admitted in hospital. He has allergic bronchitis and he gets a severe attack usually in winter. I prayed Sai that he should be discharged from the hospital within two days. From my swimming, I went to Sai temple and there an old man gave me Shirdi prasad. I was very happy. He offered me to write a Sai 1000 Namas (names) book to fulfill any wish. It was 6 :00 pm. And it takes me an hour or so to write and it would be late. And my parents might be worried. But I said to Sai “You do something. I am leaving it to You.” and decided to write and prayed to Sai that my brother should be discharged within 2 days. And then after going home, I realized that my parents (in hospital) were not worried about me as they thought that I went to my cousin’s home from swimming. While my cousin thought that I was in hospital with my parents. Now I understood the meaning of “trust in God”. I gave the prasad to my brother and he was discharged from the hospital exactly on second day evening.
I know that Sai is with me always. But I want to know what is meant by devotion. How can someone surrender himself to God by devotion? If you are really devoted to God will he perform all your duties and responsibilities? What does Sai expect from His devotees? Only devotion? I would be highly obliged and thankful if anyone can help me by answering.