Anonymous devotee from USA says: Please do not disclose my name or my mail ID please. I would like to share my experiences with Baba and how I neglected Him though He pulled me towards Him and how I am learning to come to Him again after my terrible mistakes in life. It is a very long story, but I try to cut it short and be more accurate with the most important events.
My parents took me to Shirdi, when I was studying. At that time, I knew that Baba was a God as I used to see His photo everywhere beside other God pictures and I do not know anything about Him. I thought it was just another pilgrimage trip with my family. We went to see Him and by the grace of Him, I could touch His Samadhi. Then and there, the unbreakable contact formed with Him. I cannot do justice with my words to explain the feeling, which I had, when I touched His Samadhi. I could sense and feel positive vibrations throughout my body. I was and am still longing for more of that divine feeling as it was way beyond peaceful and something out of this world and a feeling which I still hold on to. The same feeling was felt, when I touched His stone where He used to sit and I had tears in my eyes unknowingly. This experience had bought me back to Baba in this life.
I went to Baba temple regularly from then on. I prayed Him for my marriage to happen with the one whom I loved. Here, I have to mention that I was born and brought up in a strict orthodox family and my husband was of different caste. I was expecting that I will be thrown out of the family. Though there were lots of initial struggles, only by the blessings of Him, shockingly and surprisingly my parents and in-laws have agreed and we are now happily married. I and my husband went to Shirdi after the marriage and Baba presented us with a beautiful shawl, which He wore. Later, my husband's visa was rejected twice, when he wanted to go out of India for doing his Masters. Only later we realised that this was all the plan of Baba as He saved us from spending money and time unnecessarily and taking a bank loan for his studies. Due to career purpose, I moved out of India alone. I was so sad and I left the Baba’s marble statue at home and I said to Baba, come to me with my husband. Only because of the miracle and blessings of Baba again, my husband got job exactly what he wanted and in the same city, where I am and he got his visa also. And my Baba in the form of marble statue is with us in the puja place. Till now, my story was going smooth. But here comes the worst phase of my life. I neglected Baba. I have everything in my life what I wanted. I was so proud of myself. I did not pray or light lamps in front of Him supporting myself that I am busy with my job and my life. I was drowned in ego and pride. The place where His statue was lying was dark and slowly the darkness entered me and in my life. We went to India and went to Shirdi. The journey was the most horrible journey, which one could imagine. I could not touch His Samadhi or His stone. I could not attend any Aarti. Nothing was working out. I received a huge electric shock and had seen death closely. We had no happiness of visiting India, when we came back. I was doing biggest mistakes in my job unknowingly out of stress of the job. I realised slowly what was happening and the mistakes I did, which I cannot make them alright. This would cost my life, my career and everything. Slowly all the Maya is dissolving in front of my eyes day by day. I realised the biggest mistake, which I had made in my life, neglecting Baba. I cried in front of Him to save me and asking His forgiveness and admitting that I have made mistakes and help me to come out of the problem which I myself had created. I am left with no tears anymore. I was even planning to commit suicide if nothing else works out. Slowly and steadily, I started praying and meditating on Baba. Though I have job stress and literally no time and energy, I still clean His place, light candles and offer food to Him. I chant His name whenever and wherever I am. I would not say that Baba is taking or has taken a revenge on me and brought all the sufferings and miseries. He gave me an opportunity to realize, who I am and the negative qualities, which I have to correct. He brought me more close to Him. We are all His children and if, as a child unknowingly does mistakes, the parents would never leave their children, but try to set them on a right path by being harsh on the child as a last step. And this exactly happens to me right now. I swore on Him that I would never ever do mistakes again knowingly. I would live to serve Him and His children, who are poor and needy. This is His life. Here I have to tell you something. I was not sure if Baba accepted my forgiveness because I made mistakes and maybe Baba thinks that I have to suffer my karma and does not help me to come out of the problem. Baba already showed me a line where He says that “If you would chant My Name, I would wash away all your sins”. Still, I was not convinced. Once I was browsing the net and Baba made me read this story. Once there was a man, who had a vision of Baba in his dream. In his dream, he was jailed and put in a prison. Man asks Baba to bring him out of the prison. Baba says that one has to suffer their karma to be freed from worries. Then the man replies, Baba, since You are the God, You have every power to burn my sins and karma to ashes. Baba says, is it so? Then do you have complete faith on me. Then the man says yes and the next moment he is free. When I read this, I felt like a tight slap on my face telling me to have complete faith on Baba and leave aside all the doubts. When I ask Him to show me a way to problem by Question and Answers, He always suggested me to donate food. On Thursday, I sent packets of food to my colleagues as I have no time to spend with them but I want to give them food. The next day, I got an answer from Baba that He is happy and dancing in joy around Dhuni for the work I have done. Inspite of this, I was foolish to ask Baba repeatedly to come in my dream and also to show me a specific miracle, He was so angry and answered do you want to see materialistic miracles or do you want to have my love and sit on my lap? I never asked Him to show materialistic miracles in my life after that. He Himself came into my dream in the form of a small photo frame. One day, He asked me to worship Goddess. That day, I prayed to Goddess Lakshmi photo, I have in my puja room. I realised in the evening that the day is Varalakshmi Vratam and I felt bad that I did not notice it before; otherwise I would have performed the puja in a grand way. But I was happy that Baba informed me on the same day. Yesterday, He gave me an answer, pray Lord Krishna. In one week, it is Krishnashtami. He hinted me a week before so that I can make my necessary preparations. I am still in that big problem and I pray to Him repeatedly to pull me out. But I stopped crying. I am learning every day how to lead a life, which was given by Baba. I learnt to see Him in the morning as soon as I open my eyes. I learned to ask His permission to go to my work or to any other place. I learnt to remember and offer Him before keeping food in my mouth. I learnt to chant Sai Namam all the time. I learnt to regularly light candles and read Sai Satcharitra and Ashtotharam daily. I learnt to practice our customs and traditions and doing the required pujas to the respective deities on the particular days. I learnt to offer food and money. I learnt to see Baba in every living being. I learnt to see His holy feet whenever I meditate on Him. I leant that my life is His and every breath I take is His. I learnt that there is no “Me”. Om Sai Ram. Thank you Hetal Ji for maintaining this wonderful website.
© Devotees Experiences with Shirdi Sai Baba