While i am trying to compensate four days’ post which we all missed, you may find some irregularities with current postings. I request you all to bear with me. So this is the second post today itself which was to be published on January 15, 2012.
Anonymous Devotee from USA says:
Om Sai Ram, I am Sai Baba’s devotee for last 16 years. I currently reside in USA. I would like to share my very first and current experience. I do not dare to say I am losing faith in Baba, but I am losing positive thinking about my life and wondering about my karma and past lives, which are giving results in this life.
Hetal Ji, I would like to take the opportunity to thank you for the great work you are doing, which is helping all of us to hold on to our faith and perseverance in difficult times by reading others experiences. I have been fortunate to have Sai Leelas and blessings in my life for last 16 years. Please do not reveal my identity.
Let me share couple of my experiences with all the Sai devotees out there. I had my ups and downs in life in various situations, but almost always I hold on to Sai. Even if I did not do regular prayers daily, but whenever I was anxious, worried, or sad without my effort I would call for Sai and chant Sai name.
Even though, I was going through rough times, I was not keenly looking for God’s grace or I should say I did not know whom to look up on. We used to live in Hyderabad and I used to pass Sai Temple. But I was never interested to go inside the Temple. In fact, the moment I used to come near the Sai Temple, I used to bow my head down and walk straight so that I do not need to see into temple.
When my son was 18 months old, he had fever and was not coming down in spite of doctor’s visits for 10 days. We were getting worried and did not know what to do. My neighbor, who usually will not come in, came to our house knowing that my son is sick. After asking how he is doing and looking me worried, she said, “Whenever my kids get sick, I pray to Sai that I will offer coconut and do Archana to Sai at the Sai Temple”. Immediately after she left, I prayed with tears to Sai saying “Whoever You are, if my son’s fever comes down, I will come to Your Temple and offer coconut”. The moment I surrender to Sai, my son, who was weak and was sleeping eyes closed, opened his eyes and wanted to get up from bed and walk around. He started laughing and smiling as he used to be before fever. The fever subsided the moment I prayed to Sai. This was the first Sai Leela in our lives. I was even scared to tell my husband that I prayed to offer coconut in Sai Temple and was not sure how he will react to it. I told to my husband and he agreed to go to Sai Temple. The moment, I entered the temple I felt peace of mind. I do not have enough words to explain the feeling.
I do not doubt Baba’s grace, but still I have my moments of being sad, anxious and worried about day to day survival issues. I have moved from job to job with long gaps in between due to my personal situations. My husband has invested money and time in my education hoping that I will have a better career and he can see me happy. I recently graduated with master’s degree from an university in USA as we are currently living in USA. After waiting for almost 4 months, I got a temporary job with good pay from nowhere, which I know it is Sai’s grace. This job offer came after doing Sai Nava Guruvar vrat and I was so glad telling friends and family about it. I thought finally my suffering was over and I am seeing a promising career for coming years as they said they will give me a permanent position soon. As I was new to the job, I put all my efforts into it and I was physically and mentally getting tired focusing on learning new skills required for my new job. After my joining, the company as a temporary worker, the company announced layoffs. Everyone said the division I am working has so much work and I might not be affected as they have hired me recently including my manager. The day they announced layoffs he personally spoke to me and assured not to worry.
However, after two months, I was called in and told that they have decided to let go all the temporary workers and gave me three week’s notice and tomorrow would be my last working day. It was unbelievable and heart drenching as I thought this job was absolutely due to Sai’s grace and thought He is there to take care of me. But I was wrong. We do not understand His plans, but the whole process was painful. I feel like I am back in the darkness and do not know where to look up. I just feel that I am never going to have a stable job or income in this life time. I would always tell my friends and family that Sai is there to take care of us if we surrender, but now I am losing the faith on my life itself. Everyone says I am intelligent, hardworking, have good attitude and work well in teams, but here I am getting tired in life worrying for a stable income and always learning new things in a hope of finding a job. Deep in my heart, I know that Sai is planning for something good, but right now I am surrounded with sorrow and grief. I am just praying Sai to keep me and my family happy and not to leave me in darkness. My friends and family always look towards me, whenever they need positive attitude and faith in lord. But now I need all your prayers not to lose hope in Sai and life in itself.