Anonymous Shirdi Sai Baba Devotee from USA says: I have been with Baba for many years now. I have truly loved Baba for everything good that He has given me. I have intense thoughts about Him when I concentrate and get teary eyed when I think about Him. I have had amazing blessings and have personally witnessed miracles in my life. But for the past year, my life has taken a serious downturn. I keep thinking everything will start picking up. I need some help and direction from my fellow Baba devotees.
In December 2008, I went to Shirdi with my wife and in-laws. It was probably my fourth trip to Shirdi and I went there with a clean heart and conscience. I prayed for my career, my wife and my family. To tell you the truth, my job meant almost everything to me. I was very fortunate to get that opportunity and genuinely thanked God for making me so fortunate. I got that job in 2006 in a prestigious firm and got it at a time when my career was on the balance. After my job, I built the confidence to get married, start an exciting career and make my parents truly proud of me. However, I did something very selfish also. I had made a promise that after I got my dream job, I would donate $2000 to a needy child in Shirdi. I went to Shirdi twice but never fulfilled my promise. That thought always pinched me at the back of my mind, but I still never kept my word. I acted selfishly. Upon my return from Shirdi, I came back home and saw that my phone was damaged as water fell on it for some strange reason. That was my favorite phone and it was very weird how water fell on it. Not a big deal, I thought, since it was just a phone after all. I went to Delhi and within three days my GrandMother passed away on her way to Delhi. At the same time, my father fell sick and was admitted into the hospital. I had a horrible trip to India and felt very bad my trip ended after coming back from Shirdi. There was also a lot of tension at home between my mother and me, and felt stuck between my wife and my mother. Then, after I came back to the US, after four weeks, I lost my job. I was heartbroken. After five days, my Aunt passed away. After two weeks, I lost my wedding ring. After another two weeks, I called up my Guruji and he shouted and insulted me. I was completely torn after that. I could not believe how my life just changed in two months. I went into depression. I neglected my wife and lost interest in everything. I applied for jobs everywhere, but because of the economy, no one was hiring in the US. I put myself through a lot of emotional trauma and broke down every other day.
I finally decided to prepare for my MBA. It took great courage and strength to study. I prepared for six months. I put everything on the back burner – wife, family, friends, everything – to study. I prayed to Baba every single day. I prayed a lot. I would see Baba’s pictures and names in strange places – windows, TV shows, friend’s houses, even on a car number plate. It was very weird. I would keep hoping that it was a sign that Baba is with me and something good will happen soon. I prayed very hard. Genuinely did.
Now it has been a year since I lost my job. Nothing has changed for me. I am having many problems with my wife. My parents are so sad because of me. But though my wife has supported me through and through, I feel she is losing faith in my abilities. I got some excellent job opportunities, but for some reason it didn’t work out. I still keep seeing Baba’s pictures and names in strange places. The other day on TV, I was browsing through the channels and saw a show called ‘Sai Baba’. I had never seen this before. I entered a store and this person walks in and asks for Baba’s pictures. I go to my friend’s house and beneath a pile of so many books, I see Baba’s book sticking out in a corner. But now I am getting paranoid. I feel that whenever I see Baba’s picture, something bad will happen now. My MBA admission results will be out in the next few days. That is the only thing I am praying for to get my life back on track. I sacrificed my sanity for my MBA admissions. My prayer is that I get through. But I am scared. Really scared. I am afraid of losing this one last attempt I have made. I keep thinking Baba will save me and every time I see His picture, I feel He is going to help me. But the next news I get is rejection. I do not know what to make of all this.
Can someone please give me some direction and enlightenment? As you can see, I am completely demoralized. I have lost all confidence. I am a very smart person, full of ambition and life. Everyone around me enjoys my company. I am very kind hearted, extremely compassionate. I think about the poor and needy, and am always nice to everyone. I genuinely believe I am a good human being and I mean no harm. I am so faithful to my family. But the circumstances for the past year have shaken me to the core. I am scared that my wife will leave me. I need to get my life back on track. And now I am only praying that I get my MBA admissions. Then everyone will be happy. I am not doing this for myself. I am doing it for my family’s happiness. Someone please help me and speak to me on Baba’s behalf.