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solace in my faith and its values. However, it is after Shirdi Sai Baba came into my life that I became spiritual. My spiritual journey is ongoing and I am learning new things every day. I consider Shirdi Sai Baba to be my only God. I only see Baba’s essence in other deities. He is my Guru, my God and my Self. I always try to remember this. In fact, I have had one experience where He showed me that He truly does reside in my heart. I will describe this experience below.
My passion and ambition is to study Hindu philosophy and to become a scholar in this subject. Baba has, in various ways, given me His support. I know that He encourages my interest in studying Advaita Vedanta, Yoga and other philosophical schools of thought. Even in Sai Satcharitra, it is stated that Baba loved those who studied philosophy and metaphysics. In fact, would you like to know what miracle He did for me on my 23rd birthday? On my 23rd birthday, in June of 2014, I was feeling very down because I had recently been fired from my job. I felt alone, friendless, humiliated and lost. I was constantly checking my email to see if any other job opportunities were coming my way. Imagine my surprise when I received an email from the South Asian Studies department at my university informing me of an academic program through Manipal University. It was a 2 week summer school on Indian philosophy and it was being held at the maternal home of Adi Sankara, which has been converted into an ashram. Baba knows that I love to study Advaita Vedanta and that I am a great admirer of the philosopher Adi Sankara, so, out of His great love for me, He decided to send me here to pursue my passion. I was so happy at this summer school. It was situated in rural Kerala and the lovely scenery, the academic environment and the wonderful scholars I met there made for a wonderful experience. I learned yoga, which I had been wanting to learn for many years. The yoga teacher at this program taught me well and, since leaving this program, I have become a regular practitioner of yoga. This is also another gift that Baba gave me.
I also made quite a few friends. I met a Marathi woman who was a devotee of Sant Kabir, one of my favourite poets. I also met a Marathi man, my yoga teacher, who was a devotee of Shree Gajanan Maharaj. Both of these new friends of mine described their experiences with their respective gurus and it helped me to better understand my relationship and my journey with Shirdi Sai Baba. Both of these friends also share my passion for religion and philosophy. Although externally Shirdi Sai Baba is distinct from Sant Kabir and Shree Gajanan Maharaj, I feel that they are all the same, which is why I felt a connection with these people. These new friends were another blessing from Baba. It was at the summer school program that I heard Baba’s voice for the first time. On the last day of classes, I was feeling quite sad at the prospect of leaving this wonderful place. I also began to feel anxious about how and where else I would be able to pursue philosophy. My life lacked direction and I was afraid that I would never have another opportunity like this one. Suddenly, from inside of me, I heard a voice say, “Do not fear. This is only the beginning of your journey.” The voice was quiet and calm and it spoke from my heart, which is how I learned that that is where Baba resides. It amazes me that Baba spoke to me in English, the language that comes most naturally to me. This experience brings tears to my eyes whenever I think of it. It has also convinced me that Baba, my Guru and my God, is also my own Self.
Now, I’d like to share a little bit about my life as it has unfolded recently. Fellow devotees, before you continue to read, please be warned that I have described some instances of physical abuse below. It may be a bit disturbing for you to read. If reading such a thing is difficult for you, please do not continue. I don’t wish to disturb the minds of my fellow devotees. After I returned from India to the United States, I again began to search for a job suitable for my qualifications. I graduated with my BA in Mathematics and I also worked very hard to obtain actuarial qualifications. Although I am not passionate about actuarial science, I wanted to start my career by pursuing a job where I can use mathematics and finance, because I am talented in those subjects. There is also good money and prestige in this industry, and I thought that with my qualifications, I would land a job in no time. I was wrong. It has been seven months since I lost my previous job and I am still struggling to find another actuarial position. I have been sitting in my parents’ house with no income for too long and, although I have tried to keep my head up with prayer and yoga, I have become deeply depressed.
These days, I am so depressed that even my body feels depressed. I feel an ache in my whole body because of the pain and disappointment in my heart. Everyone who looks at me can see quite clearly that I am not able to eat or sleep properly. Everyone is shocked at how many gray hairs I have despite my 23 years. My whole life I have known that I have above average intelligence, which makes me very talented in mathematics and philosophy. It is also the same reason that I have a lot of trouble dealing with people. I am constantly misunderstood and have very few friends, even though I have a lot of love in my heart. I have always felt very lonely. Despite my talent, I have not had the blessing of getting good marks in school. I would always mess up my examinations for some reason and, as a result, my overall marks look average. I always feel that it is not an accurate reflection of my capability. Still I believed that Baba would help me get ahead. He did not. Because I was not a good student, my father began to emotionally abuse me. He has emotionally abused me since I was 17. He treats me like I am less than a human being. He always humiliates me and never respects my ideas. He constantly compared me to other students and this greatly hurt my self-confidence. I still have trouble because of him. I am sitting at home now depending on his money and he still humiliates me. He used to shout at me all the time. He even shouted at me on my birthday one year. I have developed a deep hatred of my father. Somewhere, I have love for my father and I worry about him, but I will never forgive him until the day he dies. I have decided that once I leave this house, then I will cut ties with him permanently. It will take me years to recover from this emotional damage.
My younger sister studied better than me. So my father favours her up until now. When my sister was young, she used to have a very sweet, loving personality. Over the years, she became a vicious, selfish person. We fight constantly. One time, we had a very bad fight. I was 22 at the time and she was 16. She went into a rage and both she and my mother threw me to the ground and began stomping on me, kicking me, punching me, pulling out my hair. My sister took my hand and tried to break it. She gouged the skin out of my hand. I don’t know how I survived that incident without serious injury. I know it sounds hard to believe, but my sister is much bigger than me and can overpower anyone because of her size. I somehow forgave this incident and moved on. Fellow devotees, remember this. If a family member abuses you in this manner once, they will do it again. Forgive them, by Baba’s grace, but keep your distance from them. I should have done this and I have since learned from this mistake.
Last week we fought again. This time, she poured salt in the wound. She told me that I was a “failure with a degree” because I could not find a job. She also told me that my father told her that she was better than me. The fight escalated and before I knew it, she had pulled me by my hair to the ground. This time she stomped on me and kicked me on my back and my head. She grabbed my hand and bent the fingers back in an attempt to break it. She again gouged the skin out from my hand. She threw me on top of shards of broken glass and the skin on my knees ripped open. There is still blood all over the carpet from the gash on my knee. My head and body ached for a few days afterwards. Again, I wonder how I did not end up in the hospital. Maybe by Baba’s grace. But then again, I wonder how Baba would allow such a thing to happen to me. I am still shocked that I have received such abuse at the hands of my mother and sister. Every time I think about the way they beat me, I am filled with anger and I lose my concentration. I can never forgive them now. I am in the worst pain in my life but still I believe that Baba will somehow help me. I pray to Baba every day. I cry so much that now I wake up with swollen and burning eyes.
I am so depressed and have even decided I would rather be homeless than live with these people. Baba, won’t You help me? Didn’t I have so much faith, love and devotion for You? Did I not practice Shraddha and Saburi as You wanted me to? Was my mistake that I practiced too much faith and ended up allowing these bad things to happen to me? I ask Baba everyday what is in my future. I ask Him to come in my dream and speak to me. For the past one year, I have tried so hard to get close to Him by telling Him that I love Him and that I know He will bring light into my life. But I cannot understand how He has let His daughter suffer in this way. I have tried to be more upright, more devout and more spiritual. I tried to dedicate my thoughts to Him. Still, I cannot help but feel that He has abandoned me. Even today, I was crying to my aunt that I cannot bear the pain and that Sai Baba, whom I believed in so much, has not helped me. I sat down and pictured how wonderful it would be if I walked outside into the night and Baba would be standing there. He would hug me and tell me that He loved me and that I have no reason to cry when He is with me. But I am not a fortunate enough devotee to have this happen to me. Perhaps when He does bring some miracle into my life, I will come here and write about it. In the meantime, I am truly happy that other devotees have found peace in Him. I will continue to read your stories. Never forget our Sai Baba.
I married before 6 years in 2008 January. But from starting, I was facing lots of problems in my married life. I don't know why, whatever I did my mother-in-law would never be happy with me. She used to admire me in front of everybody except my husband. My husband knew everything but he remained quiet every time. The things were so bad that I had to live at my mother's place for one and half year during and after pregnancy. By Baba's grace when my baby became 5 months, my hubby came to take me and he promised my father that now onward my MIL would not interfere in our lives. But life was not so easy. By Baba's grace, slowly train of my marriage was coming on path. My baby is now going to school and I was also busy with my dance classes. But whenever my in laws came at my house they used to make quarrel between me and my husband, or quarrel either with me or with my hubby.
Before 1 year for job purpose we left our own house and traveled to south. Here we got a nice home near our beloved Baba's temple (for this reason I always feels that Baba called me to stay with Him). Here also my in laws came but I was at my mother's place for vacation. When they came, my husband stopped calling me, not responding as well. My mother was not feeling well but my husband did not bother to ask about her. His relatives also called me but he and his parents did not. When I returned to my hubby's home he was totally changed and one day he quarreled with me and told me to get out of his house. I was shocked, how could he behave like this, then I asked Baba what to do, Baba gave me signs to leave the house, so I left his house with my 5 years daughter, she was also crying but my hubby was not in listening mood. Dear devotees I am from Maharashtra and now residing in South, when I left home a big question was where to go, But our merciful Saimaa is with me. Suddenly my mother remembered that her cousin brother is living here from many years, she told him everything. That Uncle came and took me with him. I live with them for 15 days. May Baba bless him. He took care of me and my daughter as of my parents.
Then I went to my native place. Dear devotees I was very much tensed as my daughter's school was missing. My parents, my brother were also very much tensed and in so much anger. When my father, uncle asked about my hubby's this behaviour, my in laws told that, "That is not our business, we doesn't have any responsibility of your daughter". But by Baba's grace we handled this situation. After few days my hubby wanted to take me with him but this time my parents put some conditions to him and ask to come again. That time he was in fever so I wanted to go with him but my in laws didn't allow me and they went with him, and again my mother in law took him under her influence. Then I promised our Baba that if my hubby will come to take me then I will write this experience. Today also things are not so good but my daughter is very happy with her father and for me Saimaa is near me, what else I want.
This is another very small, but nice experience. One day there was some misunderstanding created between me and my dear brother. He was very upset with me for some reason, mistake was mine. I felt sorry. He was not talking to me. He cares for me very much. He was very supportive during my bad times. I do not want to hurt him, but he was not listening to me. So I cried a lot in front of our Saimaa's Picture and Baba was like smiling at me. As He was happy with my love for my brother. I promised Baba if my brother called me, I will write experience, within no time my brother called me and was talking with me like nothing was happened. I was very happy. Dear devotees, many times I feel to finish my life but I remember the words, Why fear when I am here. Our beloved Saimaa is very merciful. Whenever I feel tensed, I leave onto Baba and that very moment I feel tension free. Our Saimaa told me to give exam and He gave signs that I will pass it. I am just doing my study and having faith in Him. I know He never lies. Please, everyone have faith in Him and wait. By testing us Baba is washing our bad karmas. We are very lucky because we all are under our Baba's wings. Dear Hetal ji, you are like Shama (Madhavrao) for us, so I Pranam to you also, please accept my Pranam. Ananta Koti Parabrahma Raajadhiraj Yogiraj Parabrahma Shri Sachidanand Sadguru Sainath Maharaj Ki Jai.
hepatitis B and his liver failed almost 85-90%. I got call from my sister saying, please come and see papa, otherwise it will be too late. I was married for 9 years with no kids that time. My husband booked tickets for next day flight to Delhi. After hearing the news, I went to Sai Baba Temple in Guwahati and cried for my papa's recovery. Next day, I went to AIIMS just to find out that they will discharge my father in two days, since he was doing better. I felt good and thanked Sai. After coming home, next day my father’s condition became critical and he was rushed to AIIMS emergency. We stayed there for 2 days. But there was no room available, so I was told to shift him to other hospital. It was like scary because I knew no body and my mother was almost in shock.
I went to admission department to find out about the room but he refused. I rushed from one doctor to another to find out if someone could help us, But all in vain. I had no courage and my legs were paining after running from one person to another. I remember falling down on my knees and crying like a mad person. That minute I don't know why I opened my purse and took out Sai Baba Picture and cried saying, Baba I have no place to go. I know nobody who could help me. You say Sai-“You look at me and I will look at you.” I cried, consoled myself and thought that I should shift my papa to Sir Ganga Ram hospital. I rushed to emergency, where my mother was with my papa. The guard who opens the door stopped me and asked me, you got bed for your father. I said, No. I think we have to shift to Ganga Ram hospital because they can't keep patient in emergency for more than two days. He showed me a cabin at the end of corridor and said take your father there it is for hospital employees and nobody will ask anything. I shifted him with my mother but I was scared what will happen if they come and remove us at night.
That time one of my father’s friend came, who is orthopedist there and asked about my father’s health. I told him how I was asked by doctors to admit him but due to non availability of beds I can't get him admitted. It was 8:30pm. He said you have the paper where it's written please admit. I showed him the prescription. He took it with him and in 10 minutes he came back and said your papa got the room so shift him now. In 5 minutes time we were in room. I thanked Sai for help. 4 days later, I asked doctors how much time my father will take to recover and doctors said he can't and it's complicated. After hearing this, I went to Sai temple at Mehrauli. I cried cried cried and said Baba, You did not give me a baby after 9 years of my marriage, I never complained. Please don't give me baby if you don't want to but don't take my papa away. Give him health. I took Sai Udi and a pendant and came back to hospital. My father is not much believer of Udi and pendants. So I sprinkled on the blanket he had over him and gently pushed the pendant under his pillow.
I left home to get dinner for my mother. I came back and to my surprise I saw my dad sitting and talking to my mother. From next day, he started improving fast. I was so happy. Just another day I got a call from my doctor who was checking me for infertility. I refused to come back to Assam since my father was unwell. My father insisted to go for treatment and promised me he won't checkout unless he is completely fine. I took flight and came back. My treatment went smooth and my father’s recovery was progressing. I was happy. I asked my mother if I need to come back she refused because my brother was back from Mumbai by that time. I stayed back praying each day. I remember before leaving from Delhi, I went to my father’s room to sprinkle Udi in his room and was surprised to see a Sai calendar in front of his bed. I was sure Sai will take good care. I took one poster from calendar and packed with me. After coming to Assam, I pasted the Picture inside the door of my almirah. That night I had a dream. Sai came and entered in that calendar. I got up and kissed Sai Baba’s feet. That month my result came positive and I was pregnant. I cried in happiness. Sai not only saved my dad but gave me a beautiful healthy boy. I still have that poster and got it framed. Today I have two sons and both of them are devotee of Sai. I love my Sai. My world is Sai. Just believe in Him. His power is supreme and miracles happen if you surrender. Om Sai Ram.
salary is twice than my friends, and believe me it’s all Baba's blessings. I am living a wonderful and peaceful life. Being away from my parents make me sad but Baba is always there with me. Whenever I am in dilemma or I am upset, whether I am happy or alone. Baba always make me realize, He is there with me when nobody is there or even when everybody is there. I never knew He loves me so much. Everyday there is some new way in which Baba blesses me. I forget Him, make sins, but He never forgets me, always guides me.
He gave me chance to visit Shirdi, it was such a blissful journey which I can never thought could happen. I visited Shirdi on Maha Samadhi day (Dussehra). I went from Bangalore to Shiridi after around two months of my joining. For a girl like me who never travels alone even in hometown, went to Shiridi with a friend of mine, i felt as if Baba arranged everything so perfectly for me. I got room in Sai Sansthan, where thousands of people were already waiting, got a beautiful Darshan of Baba. I really wished that after I get job I want to visit Shiridi first and Baba let this happen. I really don't have words to define my feelings and describe Baba's blessings on me. I just pray that Baba please always keep guiding me like this and keep Your hand on me. Make me always down to earth and give me the mind and heart that never forgets You, always be devoted You. Make me, my parents and well wishers happy and safe. Give us a home soon. Love You so much my sweetheart Baba. Karacharana Krutamva Kaayajamkarma Jamvaa Vaa Sravana Nayanajam Va Maanasam Va Paradham Vidita Maviditam Vaa Sarvametat Kshemasya Jaya Jaya Karunaabde Sree Prabho Sai Naatha Shri Sachidanand Sadguru Sainath Maharaj Ki Jai.
My experience goes like this, When I was studying in SSLC, I had put all efforts and studied hard for my board exams. Before results of my SSLC exam was announced, I had dream in which I saw my total marks of all subject as 574 that comes to 91%. I prayed to Baba to show same percentage in my results. To my surprise, after one week when result was announced from Board, I got same marks. Baba had given me such a wonderful surprise and un-measurable joy. I got overwhelmed and couldn't control our tears of joy. Due to Baba’s grace I completed my Post graduation with good marks. After my studies I and my family were very much tensed about my marriage. Whenever my marriage gets fixed, due to some reason it get fell apart. I did 9 Thursday Vrat of Sai Baba and during that Vrat every weekend i started getting proposals for marriage, on eighth weekend of my Vrat my marriage got fixed and now i am happily settled with my husband. Thank You Sai Baba, please be with me like this forever. I would definitely suggest that by doing Sai 9 Thursday Vrat will definitely help and will fulfil all your wishes by Sai’s Grace and love. I have two wishes to be fulfilled by You Baba as You know, please bless me with a child and new job. I am very sure that Baba will fulfil my wish. Koti Koti Pranam Baba. Anantha Koti Brahmand Nayak Raajadhiraj Yogiraj Parabrahma Sri Sainath Maharaj Ki Jai. Om Sai Sri Sai Jai Jai Sai.
patience and trust. I hope He helps me out and I promised Baba that if He helps me I would do the Vrat. Baba Please Help Me.
© Devotees Experiences with Shirdi Sai Baba