Sai Sister Laxmi from USA says:
Dear Hetal Ji. Thank you so much for this wonderful website. I am a regular reader and boost myself up not to shake my faith on Baba. Two of my experiences have already been posted here. I know many other experiences are in queue to be posted here. Please accept my request and post my pain as soon as possible. I need all your prayers because I am going through very toughest and emotional phase of my life. I have a faith in Baba that HE would surely help me. I know without paying for the past karma, I will not be blessed by SAI Ma. But it’s quite unbearable as I have already experienced terrible life over the years and Baba helped me to come out of that. I feel that still I need to go through a tough phase, which is horrible and makes me so tired and weak. Just asking Baba, how long I should go through this because it’s eating my normal life and not able to concentrate on anything. I have been terribly crying for the past 5 months.
After going through hell for years, Baba blessed me with a loving and caring husband. Everybody thought that my tough time was over and I would be happy in my life with my husband. Of course, It’s common we face challenges and problems in life. But facing life threatening challenges for years together is horrible. Each and every second, I feel my past karma is preventing me from having happy life though Baba wants to bless me. Sometimes I don’t understand why I am living like this.
In May, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and doctor said that it is mild and prescribed medicine for that. As I am very averse to using medicines every day I prayed Baba to help me not to use any medicine and control my Thyroid levels. After 15 days, while I was walking in the evening, I slightly felt some pain in my chest and immediately rushed back home. I didn’t tell my husband and trying to analyze why I was getting pain. It continued for three days and doubted I might be having some serious heart problem. I visited my Physician and she said your thyroid levels got adjusted so the medicine is overdose now and asked me to stop using the medicine. But she sensed irregular heart beat and directed to go for Echo test. I was so happy that Baba answered my prayers so that I don’t have to use medicine anymore. Unfortunately Chest pain was severe and needed to see the cardiologist next day. I was so tensed up and praying Baba to help me to come out of this problem. Cardiologist was very helpful and told me not to worry as it doesn’t seem to be any risk. He asked me to go for echo as well as Stress test because I was getting chest pain whenever I go for walk or Gym. Somehow I managed to get an appointment for the two tests on 10th July. Still there was one more month to go for these two tests. I was praying Baba to help me and spent sleepless nights with fear. The day arrived and went for stress test. Meanwhile I had to experience irregular bleeding problem. Before initiating the stress test the examiner wanted to check If I was a pregnant. To my surprise results were invalid though we tried twice to confirm that. She told me to go for blood test to confirm the pregnancy. After waiting for a month stress test not done. In the afternoon I went through the Echo test. They said I should wait for a week to know the test result. I didn’t stop praying Baba and HE was answering me not to worry. Unexpectedly in next two days, Doctor called me and dropped a message that there was no problem with heart and nothing to worry about that.
I was so happy and realized that probably that is the reason Baba stopped me from taking the stress test. Gradually chest pain was disappeared. I didn’t want to get my thyroid levels abnormal. I wanted to control it. So I started practicing yoga every day. Still I had irregular bleeding problem, but I was feeling ok as well as bloating in my abdomen. Day by day bloating problem became worse and I rushed to the Gastroenterologist. He prescribed me some medicine and asked me to avoid dairy products. Still It was worse and got some tablets from India. I started using that medicine I was feeling good. Again I went for Thyroid test. To my surprise now my thyroid levels are very high less than zero and it’s Hyper. One of the office staff from my physician called me and said that I need to stop the medication. I told them I was not on any thyroid medication. They didn’t even guide me what to do next and which specialist I should consult for this hyperthyroidism. I was under impression that I didn’t have hypothyroidism so I was alright. I discussed the same with my friend and she scolded me why I should not see endocrinologist for this drastic changes of the thyroid levels in such a short span of time. I told her might be the yoga I did more to control my thyroid levels made it hyper. She screamed at me to stop self diagnosis and should see endocrinologist. I had to wait one more month to get an appointment as a new patient with endocrinologist. In between I took an appointment with Gynecologist to check my irregular bleeding disorder. Gynecologist asked me to check with endocrinologist as my Thyroid levels are abnormal and collected cells to check if there is any sign of cancer in my uterus. I was so frustrated and waiting for results. After a week a lady from Gynecologist office called me the test results were invalid as the cells collected for test were not sufficient to evaluate. I was asked to come to their hospital again to give the cells for test. I already knew that it would not be accurate because they didn’t collect my cells properly. I didn’t care much because I was not in a position to give the cells again. I informed same to the Gynecologist staff that once I am cured for irregular bleeding then I can go for that test. During the period of one month, I was waiting with patience to see the Endocrinologist and dreaming that he would cure me. After 10 days, it started bleeding heavily and it was completely uncontrollable. My husband wanted me to take to the emergency, but I didn’t agree because they would give me some temporary relief and direct me to go to the specialist. The day arrived to see endocrinologist and gave my blood for blood work and I was told to call them next week. I started calling them, but there was no proper response and saying Doctor has to review your report. I waited for three days and asking them if I can see the Gynecologist now or will the doctor prescribe medicines for my uncontrollable bleeding. They replied your Thyroid levels are very low now so you should be on medication. Then I asked what about my Bleeding problem. They answered me please call us back. I was so panic how many times I should run behind them. Afternoon I called them and requested them to give me an appointment with the doctor just for couple of minutes as my condition was worse.
They gave me an appointment and made me wait for two hours to see the doctor. He prescribed the medicine for my low thyroid levels and asked me to go to the Gynecologist. They should have told me over the phone, but they made me to wait for 2 hours and informed me to see Gynecologist now. It’s not possible to get an appointment with the Gynecologist now and how long I should suffer like this. I was praying Baba to help me in getting an appointment with Gynecologist. I was not willing to go to emergency and don’t want to be on temporary medication. Luckily I got an appointment with Gynecologist, but they asked me to come for a blood work and doctor would see me on Monday.
I came back home and started crying loudly from the bottom of my heart as it was intolerable and unbearable. My husband was so shocked and worried. I was crying and telling my husband “I don’t want to lead a life like this. Because of me you are also suffering. At least one day in my life should I experience happiness by Baba’s blessings? I’m a sinner. I have past bad karma. How long I should suffer like this. Baba can cure me. But I don’t know when HE would cure me and get me rid of these problems. Before marriage I had everything, but led a painful life and struggled a lot to get married. Now I am married, but I don’t have health, Job and struggling with Visa issues. It’s so painful. Instead of this suffering, Baba can take my life. I was just getting scared to think about my future. Everyday it’s a battle. I am getting tired to fight against the battle for the past 14 years. I don’t have strength to fight now. Every day I ask Baba to give me the strength to face the problems. Now I don’t even have strength to ask Baba. Probably my past bad karma weighs more than my current life span. I am just tired asking and praying Baba.
I never experienced such a pain in my life despite all my troubles. Now I am so depressed and got scared to imagine my future. What I can pray now. How long I should bother Baba to help me out of the problem. Everyday a new problem comes up and makes my life so miserable. Sometimes I don’t feel like talking to anybody and just look at Baba with tears rolling down. My husband loves children and in a dream Baba showed me that it will difficult for me to conceive. Now I am facing problems with my uterus and getting scared the problem which I have will restrict me from conceiving. I am so tired in my life. Please pray for me. I have an appointment with Gynecologist on Monday.
I would like to share my happy ending with the experience. But I don’t know when I will be able to share it.
© Devotees Experiences with Shirdi Sai Baba