Anonymous Devotee says: Namastay Hetal Ji, this is my humble request to please don’t disclose my name or email. I am the same person, who posted Baba's Stavana Manjari in Telugu pdf very long back. Hope you remember me. Now, I am in a very miserable situation with lot of guiltiness. I am unable to control. Here is one experience of mine with Baba. Please post this if you really feel its worth to post in your blog.
"Dhuk Mein Sumiran Sab Kare Jo Sukh Mein Karena Koi,This is Kabirdas Doha, which I learnt in my school days, which applies to one and all and particularly to me. I used to pray to Baba like anything to fulfill my wishes (Job and my other personal problem). I daily used to go to temple and pray to Him. I used to tell so many things to Him about my problems.
Jo Sukh Me Sumiran Kare Dhuk Kaahein Ko Hai."
Then suddenly, one night I cried a lot before Baba idol and asked Him to help me. I asked him like anything. Then suddenly my eyes fell on one book brought by my roommate “Saibaba's question and answers book”. I took it and prayed to Baba and opened one page randomly with saying my problem and asking a solution. With closed eyes, I pointed my finger on one answer from that book, in which I got a reply like “Reading Guru Charitha on Ugadhi (South Indian's New Year) will solve my problems”. With a little hope, I slept that night and waited for Ugadhi festival day.
That day, I went to Baba temple and started Guru Charitha. From morning to evening, I sat on the floor before Baba and started reading it. Till evening 11, I think I continuously read that book. I read about all Avataras of Datta Prabhu except Baba's. Then I became helpless and weak and unable to continue reading any more. Tears dropped from my eyes and I started crying before Baba that I am helpless and can’t read anymore please forgive me. Then I ate little Prasad and slept thinking all my effort was waste and Baba will not forgive me.
Even next day morning also, I didn’t start reading it. But in the evening around 7PM, I opened and started reading. After I completed some stories about Baba, then suddenly I got a call from my school friend saying there are some job openings in one company and her friend wanted to talk with me regarding that so she gave my number to her friend.
Immediately, I prayed to Baba seeing this miracle. Then that girl called me and told me all the details regarding that job and asked me to prepare well and there will be an interview for me in 2 or 3 days. I felt so happy and at the same time little nervous because I fear attending interviews. I told the same thing to that girl also. Then she told that she will arrange a mock interview for me and asked me to prepare well. Then I felt little relaxed and started preparing for that praying to Baba that it’s all in His hands. With lots of disappointments and surprises I got this job. Because there are 3 rounds in the interview and I did too worst on last round of interview. So I completely lost the hope that I will get this job. I cried before Baba saying that why Baba why You are doing like this to me. Then I regained myself and continued my routine life of job hunt and doing courses. I had no hope of getting the job. Then suddenly around or after 1week, I got a call saying that I have been selected. But still I didn’t believe that call because I know that I did not do well in the any round and in last round. I really made it worse. But once I got a confirmation mail about my job, then I started believing it. To my surprise, I got this job with a very good package, which I didn’t even expect in my dreams. One more thing is that there is a 50% subsidy on lunch and snacks and dinner are completely free in that company. Why I am saying this in particular is to say how Sai Maa (mother) takes care about my health. Because I don’t really eat properly. Then I felt the love shown by Baba on me. Now what all I am enjoying and eating, this is all Baba's Bhiksha to me.
Every single penny is His Bhiksha. Every single piece of food I eat is His Bhiksha. One should never forget His mother, who showers this much love and who ever forgets they are simply equal to animals. I am bowing my head before Baba's feet and accepting that I am such a worst animal forgetting His help.
Once I got a job, I stopped praying to Baba. Not intentionally, but daily I used to come back from office very late. But I agree this is not the proper reason to say because at least in my heart I should do prayers, which I didn’t do. I stopped going to temple completely. Slowly I lost interest in prayers and worshiping Baba. But sometimes, I used to think about Baba. Other than this I did nothing. Then slowly things started changing in my life. One after the other problem surrounded me. My personal life is completely ruined. I am still continuing the same job but with no concentration and satisfaction I am doing that job. Daily one or the other problem is surrounding me. Now everything is again blank in my life and now tonight I felt so ashamed of myself and started crying before Baba asking Him to please give me one chance. I was begging Him like anything. This is all my mistakes, completely my mistake. Even I told Baba that once I get a job, I will write His Leela of helping me in getting a job. Now 8 months completed and I realized and writing this. I am feeling so ashamed of myself. Now I realized how a child can live without His mother. Really I can’t live without You, Baba. I am such a big fool, who forgot You after I got a job. This is the reason why I wrote that Doha in the beginning. Now nothing is left in my life. Don’t know whether Baba will show any mercy on me or not. Whatever He may do, I won’t leave Him. Whatever might be the situation, I will not leave Him. If Baba is there, I am there and if He is not there, I am not. I understood this very clearly.
I am no one to give any suggestions to anybody, but my life is a very big example of "What's the situation of a person? Who leaves the company of Baba and forget His help". I am sorry as I can’t reveal what exactly has happened in my life now. Now nothing is left for me. I lost everything. But I hope you all can understand the pain that I am feeling now and you won’t do the same mistake. I want to hold Baba's feet very tightly and start crying for what I did. Baba, please forgive me. Please and please forgive me.
© Devotees Experiences with Shirdi Sai Baba